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2017 Demo

by Garden Hoe

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1.
On spring afternoons Cutting off pieces, pieces of you To submerge in alcohol Remember your scent come fall Glass amongst lilac My attachment is futile, it is futile They stopped blooming weeks ago Meant to be stronger Than these fragments, oh these fragments, these fragments of ourselves I pull from flesh It was glass and not crystal.
2.
I woke at 5 am again just like the day before, and before and before And I dreamt that my teeth fell out of my head for the third night in a row And I don't know what it meant, but it's probably for the best Would I really really want to know That I've grown too attached to some things and it's time that I learned to let them go I'm running down a corridor and he's not far behind me Before me there's a door, my saving grace, I am so sure But there's one more waiting there for me And I call out your name, but my voice cracks and breaks I wake up, hand pointed at the door Sitting up and I can't breathe You tell me, "Babe, it's just a dream. That's it. Nothing more." Tell me why can't I only dream of the taste of your skin on my lips I miss the days when sleep was an escape Because some days it seems that the monsters inside my head far surpass those that ever hid underneath my bed Clenched fists pushing through cold water and I'm scared I won't survive Embarrassment, I can still hear the laughter of the kids from the schoolyard Searching for things I'll never find Try to read the text but just see changing lines Relived my whole work week last night, wake up to do it again And I'm walking, I'm walking, and I'm walking And I fall
3.
Hot water brings old scars to light Purples and reds in parallel lines A constant reminder of all the times I would rather have left behind I painted this here while I was waiting in your car For you to buy wine, I was sitting in the dark And started to cry and I told myself to stop It's not the right time, pull yourself together now I've been doing this shit for way too long And trying my best to stay strong But even still, the urge is never quite gone I quit smoking cigarettes I didn't want to, but they only made me sick Kind of like all my old habits did Knew if I kept it up, it'd be the end of me real fucking quick
4.
Going through my things Putting them in separate piles Keep or give away Haven't used this in a while And half of this shit I haven't seen since I was a teen Ancient artifacts of the person I used to be Our skeletons are buried in the basement Did you think no one would find them in this cemetery of cardboard boxes But they have not forgotten Photos of college girlfriends glued onto matte-board I bet they didn't think that you have their nudes anymore And mountains upon mountains of old clothes Everything you've worn since 1994 Our skeletons are buried in the basement Did you think no one would find them in this cemetery of cardboard boxes But they have not forgotten Paintings of faces I've never seen before You said they were my great great ancestors And I found that doctors diagnosis Along with my dead friends portrait Our skeletons are buried in the basement Did you think no one would find them in this cemetery of cardboard boxes But they have not forgotten

credits

released April 7, 2019

Written and performed for Sage Amsberry
Album artwork by Sage Amsberry
Recorded by Trent Martin from Soapstone Studios

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Garden Hoe Portland, Oregon

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